Silently Shaming

#WhyIDidn’tReport is a movement involving sexually assaulted individuals across America. Men and women, both are finally reaching a place of comfort to speak out on being a victim sexual assault. There have been women who are afraid to raise their voice due to violators not being punished in the past. These women/men have the fear of not being taken seriously and we as a society should be listening and advising.

I have waited a good few days in order to really hunker down writing about this topic. Just because I know, a) it is very controversial and b) I want to get my facts 100% straight. This is a topic that should not be taken lightly. The topic of sexual assault, has rocked our society; the accusation of inappropriate conduct must have due process. It is okay to tell someone. It is okay to speak out.

Shame. The ultimate feeling of being a sexual assault victim. In a recent article, Anne Godlasky writes about victims revealing their sexual assault. Brett Kavanaugh, a supreme court nominee faces “allegations of sexual assault.” Christine Blasey Ford. Padma Lakshmi, Andrea Constand and Debbie Ramirez all face the same feelings, “overwhelming, embarrassing, shame, and humiliating.” These are all women who were sexually assaulted at a young age, the youngest being 15. Research shows that, at 15 you are just beginning to learn how to process your feelings. When you are a teenager there is a lot of development waiting to take place. Age does play a role in how victims may respond. Shown in research, the brain is not fully developed until the age of 25. Teenage brains work differently than adult brains, studies show adult brains use the “prefrontal cortex.” This part of the brain responds to situations with “good judgment and an awareness of long term consequences.” The 15th year of brain development, the brains are dealing with the connections between “the emotional part of the brain-” and the “decision making center” developing. By the time year 25 comes around our brains are completely wired to make more mature decisions. Being a teenager teaches the struggles that will be faced later on in life. When the brain fully develops it does not mean that these occurrences stop.

Last year, a movement called #MeToo launched. Those who felt ready to discuss the topic went public with their personal stories. There is the ultimate question of Why didn’t you say something sooner? From Carolyn M. West, a professor of psychology at University of Washington, spoke about how a survivor can feel afterwards. She says, “it can take awhile for a survivor to process that trauma.” After processing their trauma, it is even more traumatic to open up to friends and family about it. There are certain reasons as to why an individual may not speak about their severe situation. In an article on the New York Times, three women were mentioned and each had a reasoning to why they kept silence. Caitlyn Leong, 20, felt as if people would not believe her because “she was in a relationship when she was assaulted.” Leong said she had taken months to realize she was in an abusive relationship. After comprehending the sexual abuse taking place, it took months to be able to open up to her friends and family about it. Leong did not speak up because she would have been devastated if she was not taken seriously. Lerato Chondoma, 37, “felt shame because she had been drinking at a party before it happened.” After 17 years, Chondoma still felt humiliated for what happened to her. She did not report her sexual assault because after drinking she went to the men’s dorms. Lastly, Amy Swelyn, 59, stayed silent because “she worried about her career.” Swelyn was 25 when she was assaulted by a “professional mentor.” In return, she feared if she were to speak up about this matter, her career would be completely over. They are all speaking now for the same reason, to help other survivors get through their trauma.

Often, victims try to blame themselves. In reality, sexual assault “is the only crime where people doubt the victim immediately.” Amy Smith, a nurse practitioner in Long Island Jewish Forest Hills hospital treats victims of sexual abuse. During the time of treating her patients, she found they felt “detached during an assault.” Psychologically, when frightened or upset our bodies can tend to go into flight, fight, or freeze mode. In sexual assaults, freeze mode is common. It is a “dissociate type of situation.” Our brains are programmed to protect us, not hurt us.

Social media movements are life-changing to sexual abuse victims. Finally after keeping silent for so long, individuals are sharing their stories. They are not sharing their stories to hurt others. They are sharing their stories to help people with the same trauma so they can relate to someone. These stories are creating a movement that shows victims that their voice needs to be heard in order to make a difference. Silence only brings shame.