Panther Milk...or Conspiracy?

What is “Panther Milk”? Where does it come from? Why is it such a widely-known term? Although Mr. Miller claims to have coined the term to describe our school’s water years ago due to “the milky delight that comes with it,” the Panther Prowler has yet to verify this statement. Panther Milk, as many students already know, is the white water that flows so abundantly from our school’s water fountains. If you think we’re joking, try us. Go get a water bottle and fill it up. The water is literally white, or at least it is until you shake it. Sounds pretty sketchy, huh? Well, we’re here to try to clear up some of the common misconceptions concerning our school’s water!

CLAIM #1: OUR SCHOOL’S WATER IS WHITE BECAUSE OF THE EXTRA NUTRIENTS IT CONTAINS.

False!! According to our very reliable source (Mr. Weaver himself), the real reason for the white water is that the school’s filter puts extra oxygen into the water. The whiteness of the water is from little air bubbles contained within the liquid. If the water sits for 30 seconds or is shaken, it clears up, no problem.

CLAIM #2: OUR SCHOOL’S WATER TASTES TERRIBLE.

100% totally and utterly true!! Even our own Principal Weaver said that in years past, the water “tasted terrible.” The statement from Mr. Weaver is totally true, but Mr. Miller, on the other hand, had a differing answer: “To me, the water tastes as if it has dripped from the mountain springs of the gods.”

CLAIM #3: OUR SCHOOL’S WATER IS UNSAFE.

Come on… Do you actually think our school would put us in danger? Well, forget that because the state wouldn’t allow them either way! During our interview, Mr. Weaver assured the Panther Prowler that the water here is perfectly fine. He also told us that the issue with our drinking water this past spring was “high” levels of manganese in the water due to a change in the regulation of allowable amounts (This story seems a bit more reliable than the rumors of “mango geese” defecating in the school’s water system!). But back to the point, there has never been a case where someone has had too much manganese and, therefore, gotten manganese poisoning. Mr. Weaver assured us that the water absolutely did not put any students in danger.

CLAIM #4: THE MIDDLE AND ELEMENTARY SCHOOLS HAVE DIFFERENT WATER.

True! The water in the middle and elementary schools is from a completely different water well. When they built the elementary school, they made the new school their own well, and the same goes for the high school when it was built.

Overall, the best way describe our school’s water is stated by THE Mr. Miller: “Panther Milk- it does a Panther good.”